I am in a spot in my life that is completely foreign territory. I am so confused and so lost. I am in a relationship I am not willing to give up on. And she doesn't want me, atleast not at the moment.
Yesterday, she admitted that she is not attracted to me currently, and hasn't been in a while. It's my own fault, I get that, but it still hurts. As was asked of me, I am IN LOVE with her, but she's not with me. We've barely touched in over 5 months. I don't satisfy her. I ask her on a date, even though we've spent the last 18 months together in a relationship, she's not sure if 1 date is worth the effort.
So yesterday, she said she doesn't know what to do. The conversation ended with me saying that as long as we were in limbo I was going to keep working on this relationship. Last night, I realized how hard this is going to be. I went to kiss her when I got home, I had to kiss her forehead. She's uncomfortable around me. I managed a peck when I went to kiss her goodnight. When I got in bed, I tried to hold her hand. I might have well held a board, would have been about the same coldness. Yes, it may sound clingy, but it's not. I'm not trying for clingy. I'm hoping to catch the spark that I know is somewhere in there.
One day, just one day. Yesterday hurt soooo bad, between finding out how she felt about me, to her touch. I'm hurt. I know she says this is how she's felt for the last six months.....and I'm just now getting to the party. But thats crap. She's not the only one who's been hurt, lonely, felt rejected for the last six months. But after last night, I don't know how long I can continue. How pathetic do I look right now, being in a relationship that I'm not wanted and not loved. Oh well, call me pathetic if you will, I love her and am not going to let go.
